Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize