super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
