i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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