This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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