"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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