I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize