My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he puts the penis in happiness.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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