I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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