After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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