96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
