I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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