return my video game
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
