Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
