he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
