You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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