yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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