What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
