I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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