I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She bit a glass in half.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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