my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
