Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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