I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize