i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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