i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
smell my finger.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
