I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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