and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
and you fell through a lawn chair
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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