you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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