My girlfriend figured out who you are.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
