To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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