I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
