I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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