I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
