I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
