Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
