I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
