he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
