My Higher Power is John Stamos
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
