she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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