Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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