I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
