yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
