I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
