the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
