I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
