Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
