i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize