Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
