Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
