I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
this boner is exhausting
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
