there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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