we're blogging at a bar
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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