Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
no, he came in my armpit
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
