oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
