You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
