you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
