ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
