you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
