a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize