and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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