what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
