I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
