I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
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