so let's talk penis.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
