i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize