guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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