Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
