My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There are leaves in my underwear?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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