you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
