a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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