I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
