I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Mom said you looked used
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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