remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
