So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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