his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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